What the New York subway and dating have in common to help us stay on track.

If there’s one thing New Yorkers are united in complaining about, it’s the subway system.
And if there’s one thing single New Yorkers are united in complaining about, it’s the dating scene.

But the more I experience both, the more I think they have something in common that can help us stay on track.

Picture the scene.

A packed subway platform. Most ears plugged with earphones, most eyes laser focused on a screen.

There’s an announcement over the loud speaker. Nobody hears it. Granted, the words are muffled and barely audible, but no-one is even aware someone is speaking.

Then the announcement comes again. A few people take out their earphones, strain their necks and squint their eyes, as if this helps to hear. Even fewer finally get the message.

This sets in motion a domino effect of “ohhhh, the train has changed tracks”, at which point I slip in line as the entire platform marches off in single file to find the train.

By now you’re probably just as puzzled as us passengers, questioning the message of this story.

But here’s my point: just like the subway system, life sends us messages all the time. The question isn’t whether we get them, but whether we choose to hear and listen to them.

Sometimes the messages are telling us to do something. Sometimes they are telling us not to do something. Either way, they are signposts to help us navigate this crazy journey called life.

Which brings me to the crazy world of dating. Well… this has a whole unique set of cryptic codes and messages!

When it comes to dating, there are always signs, and sometimes they are even delivered by the subway system.

It was a Sunday evening after a fun weekend. All I wanted to do was stay in, but I had a blind date with a Man called Dan. From his curt text messages, my instinct was screaming “don’t go”.

But in the name of saying yes to everything, I went against my better judgement and made my way to the bar in midtown (a possible sign in itself!).

I get to the Bedford Ave station. It’s closed. Shut. Not running.

There it was, the perfect sign and my perfect “out”. But no, I ignored the message and found an alternate route.

How I managed to get to the bar before my date soon became apparent. He staggered in, did not greet me, grumbled the bar was awful (his choice for the record), and announced he was going to the restroom.

Time to call in the reinforcements – my very flamboyant bartender with a shock of blond hair:

Me: Hey listen, I’m on a date.
Bartender: I knoooowwwww… you guys look so cuuuuute!
Me: No wait, I think he’s REALLY drunk. You can tell these things. Have a look when he gets back.

On my date’s return, the bartender made a strategic manoeuvre so I could see him but my date couldn’t. In dramatic fashion, as if in a Shakespeare play off Broadway, my once-enthusiastic matchmaker lifted his hand and made a slicing motion across his throat.

On cue, I hopped off my barstool and exited stage left. I hailed the first cab, jumped in and shouted “step on it”. (Ok, truthfully, I can’t remember if I actually said “step on it”, but I wish I had!)

Call it our intuition, our gut instinct, our sixth sense… how often do we look back and say “the signs were there all along”? And if it takes hindsight to reveal the signs we missed, why don’t we read them in the first place?

Sometimes, I think it’s simply more comfortable to stay on the side of the track we know, even if the train isn’t coming.

Sometimes, I think we’re not ready to hear the message, and that’s perfectly ok. New York knocked on my door for 23 years before the call got so loud I could ignore it no more. Honestly, I don’t think I was ready for her until now.

But sometimes, I think we put that word “intuition” in a mystical box that only few can access. It’s like we expect a Yoda-esque voice to boom down from above.

What I’ve come to learn is that our intuition isn’t mystical at all, but rather, it comes in the form of everyday, tangible and practical messages.

It could be a sentence in a book, a lyric in a song or something someone says; it could be a gentle whisper or a club over the head. It’s not about how the message is delivered, it’s about our reaction to it. That visceral response we feel deep down in our belly that tells us “we just know”.

Like the subway that changes tracks without notice, or a date that doesn’t go according to plan, life is a series of twists and turns.

We just need to trust ourselves, and our ability to heed the messages, to keep on track.

So next time you’re not sure which way to go, take out your metaphorical earphones and have a listen. It could put you on the track to somewhere magical. Alternatively, it could save you from a bad blind date.